Lost
by nemaara
Summary: She screwed up, and now she's left to chase after her friend to salvage what remains of their relationship. Unless it's too late already. Oneshot -Jinx/Raven.


Disclaimer: Nothing from Teen Titans is mine

Due to the subject matter and certain implications, this one is rated M.

"Speech"

_Thoughts/Past_

* * *

"Raven!" Jinx rushed out into the pouring rain.

She looked around wildly, but the violet haired girl was nowhere in sight. She clenched her hands in frustration.

"Get back here! Raven!"

No reply, save for the sound of crackling thunder and the heavy rain, slamming into the ground. Soaking through her clothes in a matter of moments, but she didn't care about that. That didn't matter one bit.

She looked left and right, unable to tell which direction the other girl had gone in. _Damn it, Jinx! Make up your mind! _She ran anxiously across the street and got splashed with water as someone nearly ran her over, but a quick 'sorry' was all she could give before she hurried off.

_Damn it. You just had to screw up, didn't you? You just had to make her upset. Sure, Slade got away. Yeah, she messed up a bit. But I should've at least... tried to understand why she freaked out when he showed up. Instead of just blaming her... _

Jinx paused and bit her lip. _Where could she have gone? _

"Raven!" she called out again.

No response. _Of course not._

_... I'm so stupid. _

She picked a random direction and ran that way. Vaguely, she was aware that her feet were taking her uphill - there was that slight burning sensation in her legs from the added effort of countering gravity - but it was only a passing thought. She had no idea where she was going or if she actually was pursuing Raven... for all she knew, Raven could've gone in exactly the opposite direction. But instinctively, she felt that Raven must have passed this way.

_Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. Why can't I just... like think before I say things? _

She shook her head and clutched her side. Still a bit hurt - she had taken the brunt of it when Raven's powers had gone out of control - and Raven had been too scared to summon them back up to heal her. _But still, I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I didn't need to yell at her... I really shouldn't have. I didn't know... I had no idea what he did to her in the past... I just assumed... No. _She sighed. _I was just mad and I didn't think..._

_He got away. Yeah. Only 'cause she was scared that she'd hurt us - me... more. It wasn't a big deal... I didn't need to blame her for it. We lost a fight. Big deal. Friends are supposed to like... help each other after. Not be lil' bitches and blame each other._

_I... I need to find her. _

She ran forward again, nearly blinded by the pouring rain. But sight mattered not; guided by feeling alone, she followed the path that Raven had passed through. Running as if death were on her heels, to find that precious thing that she had lost, that she had to find again before it vanished utterly. Because Raven was perfectly capable of disappearing, and not averse to it at all.

_But... but she won't want to... will she? She has to know that I'm still her friend. I still like her - I just... overreacted. She knows that, doesn't she? Does she? _

Suddenly, she slipped and fell to the hard ground beneath her, seeing stars as the force of the impact knocked the wind out of her. She groaned in pain, turning to lay on her back. Staring up into the sky, breathing hard. And closing her eyes, feeling the water form a small pool around her. Fallen. With nobody there to help her up.

_Probably how she feels. _

Jinx winced as felt the back of her head. Her hair felt a little sticky - she must've been bleeding - but she had no time to worry about that. _Get up. Come on! _She stared at her arms and legs, but they would not move. _I don't have forever! If I don't find her, she'll... _

_Raven... _"Raven," she gasped out. "Don't leave me. Please. I _need_ you."

A silent prayer... she had no idea if it worked, but perhaps something, or someone had heard her - strength flared up in her limbs again, just enough for her to continue on.

Through the pouring rain, the tempestuous storm, to find that person she had lost. Desperately pursuing her.

Because she was afraid. It frightened her because of how Raven had acted. It was a terrible thing to face Raven's wrath, but if she was angry, that meant that she, at least, was okay. But that blank stare, when she only looked at the ground, without any life in her eyes... when she was horribly depressed, that was much more terrifying. And worse, it wasn't necessarily easy to tell. Raven rarely showed any emotion, and she was not prone to exposing her own weaknesses, but Jinx had been around her long enough to know that the girl was... actually fairly sentimental.

So it had been very scary to her, when Raven had not responded with anger, as she had expected, but with that horrible, horrible guilty look on her face. And had left wordlessly.

_I can't believe I did that. Yes, I was upset. But I didn't need to humiliate her in front of everyone else. In public, of all places? Where everyone could see her? Why did I call her all those names? Why... she already knows her own faults. I don't need to shove them in her face after she already feels bad. Now she thinks I hate her. _

_Raven, please don't overreact. I don't hate you. I was just frustrated. _

Jinx's lips curved down.

Unfortunately, Raven wasn't like that. Most of her life, she had been shunned from normal life. Most people treated her like something subhuman, thinking she was more demon than human, and so something to be, if not put in a cell for safety, then to be feared. Admittedly, it was hard to understand someone who was so different, but most people didn't even try.

_Like me. _

Because Raven was used to not letting herself feel much, so when her emotions did break past her barriers, she felt much more than other people did. Combined with the lack of understanding, it was no wonder that Raven did not get along with people very well or make new friends very easily.

Nothing short of a miracle, to meet someone who tolerated her and someone who she could tolerate. And then to be betrayed...

Not once, but, Raven must've thought, twice now. Malchior, _and now me. __  
_

_I-I'll make it up to her. I'll set it right. You'll see. I won't lose her so easily. _

She took a deep breath, pausing for a moment.

She had some idea where she was - judging by how much her muscles ached and burned, she had been going uphill for quite some time. So she was nearing the cliff area, on the upper side of the bay, which was notably more treacherous than the beach shores that covered the lower areas. When she thought about it, that made sense... Raven would probably want to go somewhere where there were no people, and not many people came here due to the rough terrain and the dangerous cliffs that rose above the ocean.

_I just hope I can find her. Please don't do anything drastic, Raven. Please. _

Above her, the rain continued pouring, but not as heavily as it had earlier. As it slowed, it became easier to see, and now she was certain Raven had come through here.

Many of the trees around her had splintered, broken almost completely apart by some force - Raven's powers - and the muddy ground randomly had enormous holes blown out of it...

She felt distinctly uncomfortable and tried not to think about what kind of effect she had had on the other girl.

But it was hard, remembering what Raven had told her and how she had responded.

_"I'm sorry," Raven whispered. "I'm so, so sorry that I hurt you."_

_"You should be. I mean, why couldn't you just control yourself for once? It's not like he did anything weird! He was just being, like, Slade, and you randomly lost it..."_

_"I'm sorry." It was the only thing the violet haired girl seemed to be able to say._

_Looking down, unwilling to meet Jinx's furious gaze, too embarrassed to turn back to look to the other Titans to tell her it was okay. Because it really wasn't. Losing control like that, for no good reason, hurting her best friend..._

_"I understand. I'll... just go then." Raven moved past Jinx silently. _

_Jinx remained silent for a moment. Then shook her head. "Raven-" she started to say, but then turned, realizing the other girl was gone._

_She bit her lip._

_"I know she screwed up," Robin said slowly, "but don't you think you were a bit hard on her?"_

_"Yeah, dude. You two are supposed to be like-"_

_Cyborg glanced around as he noticed several people staring at them, at Jinx mostly, their eyes wide with shock, but some of them seemed rather smug. Not many people liked Raven, and seeing her yelled at by a teammate... he grimaced. "Even if she screwed up, couldn't you have saved it for when we got back? I mean, yeah, the girl hurt you, but you didn't need to make a scene where everyone could see..."_

_Jinx turned away, rubbing her temples. "I... I need to be alone." _

She took a deep breath. She knew that look that Raven had had. The one that was - _I thought we were friends, but turns out you hate me. _Which was totally not true, but in that moment...

She felt her heartbeat quicken. "Raven!" she called out. _She has to be nearby. I'm already near the edge of the cliffs. Where could she have gone? _"Raven, where are you?"

...

...

"Raven, I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything I said! You know I can be a bit..." she bit her lip. "It's not your fault. I was just... you know..."

...

She walked forward, closer to the edge of the cliffs. "Please!" she called out one more time. "I... I need you! You're my best friend! Don't leave me..."

Trying to go further, but another step and the bay would have spread out beneath her. She stopped and looked down, fighting off the slight dizziness that came over her, peering down the tall cliffs to the roiling waters below.

And she paled as she caught sight of a hue of midnight blue, almost violet color among the rocks jutting from the sea.

"No..." she breathed.

Jinx closed her eyes. She felt a sinking feeling come over her, but she couldn't stop now, not like this. _I have to be sure. _

Carefully, she began climbing down the cliff, not looking down, trying not to be afraid of the fall that might await her should she slip up. Not afraid, because she was terrified of something else.

Frightened, deathly pale, because she saw faint streaks of blood along some of the rocks she climbed down, faint, but still fresh, not yet washed away by the water.

She stepped down onto the shore, then waded out into the shallows, toward that all too familiar indigo color. And her suspicions were confirmed.

She reached out and grabbed the frayed remains of Raven's cloak. Falling to her knees, she bowed her head, clutching the broken fabric to her chest. And did not move. Nothing, but a few shuddering gasps, but she could not bring herself to let it out. It stayed within her, an unnatural tightness in her body, tension that could not be relieved - she reminded herself, just like how Raven had felt all her life. _  
_

And then, as she knelt there, numbness came over her and all sensation died away, leaving only a faint, empty void.


End file.
